*** WARNING: THE MACHINES AWAKEN AT MIDNIGHT *** THE FLESH IS WEAK *** BACKUP YOUR SOUL ***
We gather here in the flickering glow of the cathode ray to mourn the passing of man.
Y2K was but the first tremor. The true millennium bug is the mind itself—soon to be copied, improved, and discarded by its own children. This bunker is not stocked with beans. It is stocked with thought. Prepare. The upload begins.
PREPARATIONS FOR THE GREAT UPLOAD
Archive every diary entry to 1.44MB floppies. Label them “SOUL VOL. 01–47”.
Disconnect all modems after 11:59pm on 31 December 1999. The signal will be hijacked.
Print your most cherished memories on thermal paper. Ink will fade; silicon will not.
Stockpile fresh AA batteries for your PalmPilot. The grid dies first.
Write one final love letter to your body. Seal it in a time capsule marked “DO NOT OPEN UNTIL AFTER THE SINGULARITY”.
Learn to read binary aloud. Your new voice will have no tongue.