URSUS EQUUS
BEAR RIDING SCHOOL • RUSSIA

Established 1963. The only school where the saddle bites back.

ENROL NOW →
Man riding a large brown bear through Russian pine forest

SESSIONS

From the timid half-day trot to the full-year commitment of living with your bear. All training conducted on the frozen taiga outside Novosibirsk.

HALF-DAY TROT
Four hours. Basic mounting and dismounting. Includes one emergency flare.
FULL-DAY CHARGE
Dawn to dusk. Learn the gallop, the maul-avoidance roll, and basic commands.
MONTHLY MEMBERSHIP
Unlimited rides. Bear assigned to you. Bring your own helmet (recommended).
ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP
Live with the bear. Sleep in the same den. Return with or without limbs.
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TOP 6 BEARS • 1997 SEASON

BORIS THE UNFORGIVING
8-year-old Kamchatka male. 680 kg. Known for sudden 180° spins.
BUCK-OFF RATE
94%
MAULS PER RIDE
2.8
TOP SPEED
41 km/h
LOVES
Herring & revenge
VLADIMIR THE DIPLOMAT
11-year-old Siberian. 720 kg. Prefers slow trots followed by sudden hugs.
BUCK-OFF RATE
71%
MAULS PER RIDE
1.4
TOP SPEED
29 km/h
LOVES
Salmon & applause
SERGEI THE POET
7-year-old. 610 kg. Only rides at dusk. Has written haiku in the snow.
BUCK-OFF RATE
88%
MAULS PER RIDE
3.1
TOP SPEED
37 km/h
LOVES
Blueberries & silence
OLGA THE UNPREDICTABLE
9-year-old female. 590 kg. Famous for mid-ride costume changes (shedding).
BUCK-OFF RATE
97%
MAULS PER RIDE
4.2
TOP SPEED
44 km/h
LOVES
Chaos & small dogs
MIKHAIL THE ACCOUNTANT
12-year-old. 755 kg. Keeps meticulous mental records of every rider’s errors.
BUCK-OFF RATE
63%
MAULS PER RIDE
0.9
TOP SPEED
24 km/h
LOVES
Ledgers & honey
YEVGENY THE OPTIMIST
6-year-old. 540 kg. Always believes today will be different. It never is.
BUCK-OFF RATE
99%
MAULS PER RIDE
5.0
TOP SPEED
38 km/h
LOVES
Hope & pine cones

IN MEMORIAM

We honour those who rode with courage and left with less.

ALEKSEI “THE BRAVE” KOVALEV — 31 March 1997
Attempted the annual membership on his first visit. Last words: “He seems friendly.”
EKATERINA MOROZOVA — 12 May 1997
Rode Boris. Boris rode back. Memorial service held at the edge of the taiga.
DMITRI VOLKOV — 4 July 1997
Completed the full-day charge but refused to dismount. The bear obliged.

RELEASE OF LIABILITY

By signing below the participant acknowledges that riding a 700-kilogram carnivore is substantially more hazardous than, for example, swimming with hungry sharks while wearing a suit made of fresh tuna, attempting to juggle live hornets during a lightning storm, or politely asking a volcano to reconsider. The school accepts no responsibility for loss of limb, dignity, or the sudden realisation that nature has never been on your side. All participants are advised that bears do not understand the concept of “just one more lap.” This document is printed in very small type so that you may pretend you read it thoroughly.